Do You Need an LGBT-Friendly Personal Trainer in St Louis?
I'll start by saying what's not said enough: The fitness industry and many commercial gyms are very "good vibes only" and "don't offend anybody." Interestingly, I've been to gyms that claim to be inclusive via marketing, various flags hanging across the ceiling, and somewhat diverse staff. Those same gyms were still quite discriminatory to me as a Black man. That includes noticing microaggressions when dealing with staff members, being watched like a criminal (hyper-surveillance), being the only one not greeted when passing the front desk, having complaints dismissed because my tone isn't perfectly sweet, seeing the Confederate flag, the list goes on. Basically, a bunch of "polite racism" and "racism by omission." Gay people deal with some similar challenges.
Homophobia and transphobia are the most widely used term to describe discrimination against gay and trans people respectively. The suffix "phobia" implies "fear of" homosexuals. Most negative experiences I've had related to homosexuality were based in disgust and disapproval. The "phobia" part likely stems from the decades-old myth that being around gays would make you gay or contract HIV/AIDS. I like the idea of normalizing terms like "homomisia," "anti-gay bias," and "heterosexism." Later on, I may edit this post to reflect my preferred term. For now, I'll be using them interchangeably.
How Does Anti-LGBT Discrimination Look in Gyms
Although sexuality-based discrimination is not as systemic in the US as anti-black racism, many gays suffer from similar microaggressions for different reasons. The impact of such recurring incidents can psychologically impact individuals to the same degree. I'd like to say that certain gym chains are more or less LGBT-friendly gyms, but it's not that simple. Every gym has its own vibe due to:
- Staff and management
- Gym policies
- How staff enforce gym policies
- Members (oftentimes depending on the time of day and season)
- Culture of its surrounding environment
Here are some examples of how microaggressions look similar to the Black American and the gay American:
| Microaggression | Racism | Homophobia |
|---|---|---|
| Stared at | Presumed to be stealing | Critiquing appearance or whether they "pass" |
| Overheard conversations | Something about Blacks being unruly ("they're criminals") | Something about Gays having a mental disorder ("it's just not right") |
| Representative walks away as you approach | Doesn't want to help you | Doesn't want to help you |
| Disrespecting your identity | Purposely mispronouncing your name | Mockingly addressing you by your biological or preferred pronouns |
| Caricatures | Assumed to be dumb and violent | Assumed to be gay extremist and promiscuous |
| Discrimination by Omission | No Juneteenth flag | No LGBT flag |
| Discriminatory attire or design | Gadsden flag or Confederate flag | Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist (TERF) slogans |
Do You Need an LGBT-Friendly Personal Trainer in St Louis?
In the St Louis gyms I've visited, gay people aren't harassed or singled out. I've seen obviously feminine men enter the gym with crop-tops. I've seen male patrons with adorably painted nails. I've seen masculine females. However, my gym experience is mostly restricted to Planet Fitness and YMCA gyms. That doesn't necessarily mean an environment was inclusive. It could've simply been tolerant, especially since these were individuals, not a group of gay people. I've no experience with Crunch Fitness, Club Elite (formerly Club Fitness), city recreational centers, or smaller fitness studios.
From my limited experience, the answer to whether you need an LGBT-friendly trainer in St Louis depends on multiple factors including your:
- Comfort in public spaces
- Comfort around people
- Comfort in your own body (especially if trans or during transition)
- Knowledge of gym culture, etiquette, and equipment
- Anxiety and ability to focus are impacted by the aforementioned points
- Comfort handling discriminatory behaviors
If you're fairly good on these bullet points, you'll most likely go unbothered in every gym I've visited in St Louis. If not, and you know you need some assistance working toward your goals, a personal trainer would be a worthy investment, in-gym or online.
Side note: St Louis has a "nice" culture. A lot of St Louis people I encounter emphasize niceties, arguably to the point of being inauthentic. You'll almost certainly experience more passive-aggressive, covert, "polite" discrimination than anything overt.
Why an LGBT-Friendly Personal Trainer in St Louis?
We all have times when we prefer to interact with someone in which we have something in common: sex, sexuality, race, skill level, language, workplace rank, political affiliation, religion, etc. It's not an inherently bad thing. Yes, sometimes it pulls you into an echo chamber where your stances go unchallenged. In this case, you get a trainer with shared unique experiences who can speak your language. It means you spend less time explaining nuanced details to someone and wondering how much they respect your way of life, and more time focusing on fitness goals. That psychological safety and inclusive care puts you at ease.
A personal trainer who understands and fits your needs provides one of the most important benefits to having a personal trainer: Mentorship. The right trainer will help you learn how you should navigate the physical fitness center:
- Equipment for your needs
- Culture of the staff and members
- Environmental conditions (temperature, noise, peak times, etc.)
- Group exercise classes (if available at your gym)
- Internal communities of people with similar interests related and unrelated to fitness
Specific to transitioning, a gay-friendly personal trainer will likely be more invested in:
- Helping transwomen develop a nice butt and thighs for a nice coke bottle shape, without the broad shoulders
- Supporting transmen seeking those wide delts and thick upper traps
- Supporting challenges related to transitioning
- Connecting you with supportive LGBT support groups
Should I Find an LGBT Personal Trainer Instead?
To answer this, you ask yourself how much you care about feeling:
- Seen and included, versus
- Feeling accepted and understood
An "LGBTQIA+ ally" isn't inherently someone who understands the gay American experience, especially for trans people. Personally, I think a trans person should seek a trans personal trainer who is also a certified health coach. No amount of training I do can replicate knowing what it's like to live your life, out and about, while transitioning.
Back on topic, I recommend trying to get the biggest bang for your buck: a gay personal trainer. An "LGBT ally" could simply be riding the trend or virtue signaling. An openly gay personal trainer will understand the obstacles in your journey, and help you confront them instead of dismissing them. You don't want a trainer who targets you for your sexuality only to dismiss it after the sale.
Am I an LGBT-Friendly Personal Trainer?
If you've read my blog posts about the gay community you might be wondering: Why would trans and gay people want to work with a personal trainer who has criticized how transwomen approach dating and the LGBT Pride Progress flag? Why trust a random blogger who argued trans athletes should join gay leagues? To some that sounds more like an anti-trans hater (transmisia) than a gay-friendly personal trainer. There are a few ways to answer this.
If you interpret my constructive criticisms as personal attacks, or you generally consider criticism synonymous with hate, you've probably already decided you and I are not a good fit. That isn't simply because of the stances I wrote. It's because your discomfort from my stance(s) will negatively impact how you perceive my responses during rainbow-related conversations.
If you're able to see past the controversial thoughts, and respect that my intent isn't malicious, you'll likely either:
- Feel more comfortable with me, knowing my stances are thought out
- Be interested in working with someone willing to discuss such intra-community topics
- Decide you're ready to start training with me
Many people are more willing to engage in sensitive conversations when there's no suspected, malicious intent involved. Again, criticism and hate are not synonymous.
Read this paragraph carefully. I'm sure a few gay people will read that last paragraph or those links and think "this dude is not LGBT-friendly at all!" I'm okay with that. The primary goal of this post is to educate you, not sell to you. I'd much rather you read this post, find a gay personal trainer on Reddit who disagrees with everything I said about trans dating, and accomplish your health and fitness goals, versus doing nothing at all while your health deteriorates.
Want to train with me in St Louis or online? Contact me to start personal training with me.
Be unique.
