In my latest blog about racism, there was a section titled "Gay Versus Black" where I said:
"...an attempt to push the 'trans women are women' message too far and breach on females' rights."
I was talking about three things:
I've been thinking more about the difference between "woman" and "female" since I saw the news reports of transgender and cisgender girls competing against each other. I'm not sure I fully understand the differences since definitions differ between sites and can now be changed on whim. If you want the legalese of gender versus sex, check out this video by Nate the Lawyer.
But I'll stick my head out there and explain how I navigate this.
I address someone as he/him or she/her based on whether I think they live their life as a man or woman, not whether I think someone was born male or female. So, I have no issue referring to a trans woman as "she" or trans man as "he" because:
- That is what they prefer
- It doesn't offend my spiritual or moral code
- I can't think of a good reason not to respect it
I don't like "they/them" as preferred pronouns because I generally see it used by androgynous people who seem to following a fleeting trend but not truly living life as another gender. There's my hypocritical defense to not respecting a preferred pronoun.
Here's the kicker. On a regular day, I don't care if a feminine looking human was born male. When it matters in my personal life is when I'm considering dating. The reason why is obvious. If I'm dating with the goal of a traditional marriage, meaning a woman that wants to be my wife and then the mother of my child, trans women are an automatic no-go at this station. A trans woman cannot give me a child. Therefore, there is no point for me to seek a serious long-term relationship (LTR) with one.
Going back to "trans women are women." I'm with it. No skin off my back. However, there are times when your reproductive hardware is important. There are times when your biological sex is important. I don't hear about trans men trying to compete against males. But I often hear about trans women beating females and breaking female records.
Dating Transgender Women
Before I get to the main point of this blog, I want to address an argument I've heard against my stance on dating trans women.
"Someone's [gender or sex] shouldn't matter if you love each other." - Anonymous
That is bullshit. Admittedly, it sounds beautiful (gay) and might apply for some people for various reasons. It irresponsibly suggests that having a trans girlfriend and female girlfriend are interchangeable, and that disagreeing with this perspective is transphobic. Being gay is one thing. A lot of gay people are down-low (DL). But a serious gay relationship can affect one's stance in certain communities, particularly religious ones. The man would need to be comfortable enough with himself to see the relationship worthy of any consequences.
No one has the right to make this decision for another person. This statement dismisses the fact that many if not most men have life goals that include creating a family the traditional way, again, meaning:
- Finding a woman that wants to have children and be a wife
- Making the girlfriend a wife
- Making the wife a mother
That is called "dating with a purpose," all props to the late Kevin Samuels. Dating a transgender woman does not and cannot serve the purpose of creating a traditional family. If something disrupts a man with that goal such as fertility issues or having a baby out of wedlock, that might change the conversation for that individual.
Trans women need a safe way to vet potential mates before face-to-face meetings. That shouldn't be debatable as trans hate crimes continue to be an issue, especially for Black trans women. But they also need to be realistic about what type of men will want them, and stop trying to shame heterosexual men for peacing out once they realize a beautiful feminine appearance belongs to a biological male.
It doesn't mean you're not attractive. It does mean you don't fit that guy's desires, at least at that time in his life. That's part of how we solve the issue of trans dating. Men are allowed to have standards and preferences as well, ladies.
Trans Women Competing Against Cisgender Women
Back to the original point, there are a few issues I want to highlight to support my argument against trans girls competing alongside females.
I maintain that we need more research, studies, and other works by smart people in lab coats to help us objectively answer whether homosexuality is a mental illness (read the link for more on why). I'll only remind people that even if it is disorder, that is a pathetic excuse for blatantly disrespecting gay people.
Second, this military veteran likes uniformity. When I hear "trans women/girls can compete against biological females," I immediately wonder:
"What is the criteria for being 'trans?' Do you need to take hormone replacement therapy (HRT) for 'X' amount of time? Must you have lived life as a girl for a certain amount of time? Does testosterone levels matter? What prevents a straight man from cross-dressing just to get some easy competition, medals, and world records?"
You may remember trans woman Laurel Hubbard competing in the Olympics in the female category. She failed a snatch lift, and many argued it was proof that she didn't have an advantage. Couple things to note:
- The power snatch is a very technical, difficult exercise to master. It requires a lot of flexibility and attention to detail. Otherwise, hello shoulder, neck, or ankle problems for life.
- Failing a lift, regardless of weight, says nothing about advantage. And yes, conspiracy theory incoming, it is possible she failed the lift on purpose to soften international outcry.
- She transitioned after having gone through male puberty, well into adulthood. She weight-trained and competed as a male before transitioning. You don't lose all of your strength from HRT.
Those were my initial thoughts on the matter. I'm not an expert in any of this, though. I doubt that most readers that agree with my stance would want to hear what thought leaders like Ben Shapiro thinks about this topic, but what about an objective, gay doctor giving scientific analysis on the difference between males (including trans women) versus females in competitive sports?
If that's not enough, how about trans woman Blair White and trans man Buck Angel vibing and keeping it a buck?
So, my proposed solution to the problem...
Gay Sports Leagues
This isn't as hard as people make it seem. Every few years there are events called, and I'm not making this up, "Gay Games." WTF, you ask? Well, it is an alternative to the Olympics that encourages LGBT activism. The next one is Gay Games Hong Kong and Guadalajara in 2023. I'm big on basketball, so I was most interested in this VHS quality 1990 Gay Games game with San Diego Shooterz V San Francisco Hoochies.
Here's a bball game from Gay Games 9 on August 2014 in Cleveland, OH.
Problem is that the Gay Games aren't being mentioned often. More people should know that its an option for competitive gay athletes. Instead of arguing for trans women in the WNBA, we should talk more about the Gay Games.
Completely unrelated, here's a video of ladyboys in the Philippines getting shit-mixed trying to make a basket. Classic.
Here's a higher quality one with less "get rekt" energy.
Back to gay sports platforms, the Gay Games can serve as a template for creating local or national trans sports leagues. There are two leagues I found that could be of interest to LGBT athletes.
United States Gay Sports Network
United States Gay Sports Network (USGSN) tracks over 600 leagues across the country. I'm going to geek out over the web design for a bit. The website is fast and easy to navigate. The homepage provides most information you'd want if you keep scrolling:
- Sports tracked
- States with gay leagues
- What states are part of each region
- Upcoming tournaments
I recommend every gay athlete use and share this resource throughout the community for greater visibility. This is a much better option than arguing that trans athletes should be able to compete against biological females. Instead of trying to force integration, work to strengthen your own community. This is taking initiative and being part of the solution.
They also track the Gay Games. Below are some of their featured gay leagues.
I saw a YouTube comment stating that NGBA players aren't good enough to be in the NBA, otherwise that's where they'd be. The reason I mention this narrow-minded remark is to remind readers that this is about healthy competition and building a community. Furthermore, many male and female players go overseas for multiple reasons other than to join the NBA or WNBA respectively. Ex-NBA star Stephon Marbury is doing great things in China even to this day. Many WNBA superstars play in Europe during their off-season for more money.
North American Gay Amateur Athletic Alliance (NAGAAA) seems to be the premier gay softball league.
National Gay Flag Football League (NGFFL) has men's and women's divisions.
Regardless of what the science says, there are inclusive competitions for gay athletes.